We’ve all been there. One minute, you’re having a normal conversation with your parents about your day. The next minute, you’re locked in an argument about why you don’t feel like discussing your future career choices (again) or why they still think they can set your curfew like you’re 15. Growing up is tough, but navigating the relationship with your parents as a young adult can sometimes feel like stepping through an emotional minefield.
If you’re reading this, chances are your relationship with your parents has had a few rocky moments. It’s completely normal, but it can also really suck. Let’s break down some of the reasons why things get tense and how to handle it without losing your mind.
The “I’ll Always Be Your Baby” Mentality
No matter how old you are, you’ll always be your parents’ kid in their eyes. It doesn’t matter if you’re 19 or 35—some parents have a hard time adjusting to the fact that their baby is now a grown-up (well, trying to be, at least). They’ll still give you unsolicited advice, ask intrusive questions, and occasionally treat you like you’re incapable of making your own decisions. It can be frustrating when you’re trying to carve out your independence, but they’re constantly hovering.
This is because, for your parents, it feels like just yesterday they were teaching you how to ride a bike or helping you with your homework. Letting go of control, even as you become an adult, can be scary for them. But you’re not a helpless child anymore, and as hard as it is, setting boundaries can help you shift the dynamic. Just make sure you’re respectful (most of the time), or else you’ll give them more reasons to treat you like a rebellious teen.
Different Generations, Different Worlds
Ever felt like you’re speaking a different language when talking to your parents? That’s probably because you are. The generational gap between you and them is often at the root of misunderstandings. Maybe your parents don’t get why you need to spend £3 on oat milk lattes or why TikTok is the greatest social media invention of all time. It’s not that they’re purposely trying to misunderstand you (well, not always), but the world they grew up in was just… different.
Their expectations of how life should go—graduate from university, get a stable job, settle down with someone “nice”—might not align with what you’re currently chasing. And that’s okay. You can remind them that the world is constantly changing and what worked for them 30 years ago might not be your path. Patience is key here. And maybe don’t try explaining why you need 20 pairs of tights for one autumn photoshoot—some things are just not worth the fight.
They Don’t Understand Mental Health (Or at Least Not Like You Do)
For a lot of parents, the idea of mental health isn’t something they grew up openly talking about. The “just get on with it” mentality was much more common, and if you’re struggling with anxiety, depression, or any other mental health issue, it might feel like you’re talking to a brick wall. They may not get why you can’t just “snap out of it” or why you need to take a break from work or school for your mental well-being.
This disconnect can lead to some pretty tense conversations or even emotional distance. While it can be tempting to avoid talking about mental health altogether, having an open conversation about your struggles can sometimes help bridge the gap. You might not be able to get them to fully understand, but being honest about your feelings is a good first step.
The Guilt Game
Ah, parent guilt. A classic move. It’s that slight jab they throw your way when you decide you’re not coming home for the holidays or you forgot to call them back after they left three voicemails. Parents have a special ability to make you feel like the worst child in the world, even when you’re just trying to live your life.
It’s important to remember that guilt trips are often a reflection of their own insecurities or their need to feel involved in your life. They might not realise they’re making you feel bad, or they might think it’s their only way to keep you close. But the guilt game sucks, and it’s okay to call them out on it (gently). Let them know that while you appreciate their care, you need space to make your own choices without feeling constantly judged or obligated.
You’re Finding Yourself (And They’re Not Always on Board)
Your 20s are a time for self-discovery. Maybe you’re figuring out your career path, experimenting with your personal style, or even considering new belief systems. As exciting as this phase can be, it’s also a time when you might face opposition from your parents, especially if they don’t approve of the choices you’re making.
This doesn’t mean your parents don’t love you—they probably do. But they’ve also known a certain version of you for most of your life, and seeing you evolve can be confusing or even scary for them. Whether it’s changing your career, moving abroad, or dating someone they didn’t expect, their disapproval often comes from a place of fear. They might worry you’ll make mistakes or that they’ll lose the connection they had with you.
But here’s the truth: you have to make your own decisions. Mistakes are part of growing up, and while you can take their opinions into account, you don’t need their validation for every choice you make. They’ll either come around, or they won’t—but ultimately, it’s your life to live.
Final Thoughts
Your relationship with your parents isn’t always going to be easy. There will be arguments, misunderstandings, and moments when you just want to roll your eyes into the next century. But the tension often comes from a place of love—messy, complicated love. Learning how to communicate better, set boundaries, and accept that they’re human (and likely just as confused by you as you are by them) can help make things smoother.
At the end of the day, they’re your parents, and while it can be tough, navigating the ups and downs of that relationship will make you stronger, wiser, and more empathetic—hopefully. And when all else fails, there’s always therapy.
